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The beginning of the forest

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The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Wed Jul 26, 2017 8:17 pm

This will be a exploration of who and what I am. This will be the record for my promise to myself - to find myself and become what I am intended to. This journal will serve to keep me accountable to my goal. With life comes struggle and hardship, but also joy and clarity - both sides will be seen here.
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Re: The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:17 pm

The path of discovery:

1) What do I want?

         It is fairly simple - I want to find myself. I want to know who I am, and what I am to become. I want to learn to forge a path for myself and keep on it. 

2) How can I get what I want? 

        Dedication, perseverance, Strength of will. I will make it happen purely because I want it. 

3) Who am I as a individual?

        I am right now not much. I can be adventurous, quiet, self-contained. In thought I am highly academic - but for me as of now that is it.  Much of it is still to be seen. 


Overall I am still developing who I am again. It has been five years since I last knew myself. I am getting better and recovering. As I am doing so I have realized that I have lost almost everything from before. I really am not that same person. There are things that have stayed but most have left. I am here to make my new self - to find out who I am now. This also means that some questions and starting things will not have a great reply to begin with - because I am still making that foundation.
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Re: The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:32 pm

The path of Identity:

1) What do I like about myself?

         I like my mindset, I like how I look at the world as a flow of events and actions. In all honesty to me the world can be perfectly described by science - because in the end that is the only reality we all truly share.

2) What do I dislike about myself?

        I dislike the dead-ness I feel inside. I dislike the fear and pain I live in. I dislike being controlled by the whims of others, and by my PTSD. 

3) What can I change about myself?

        Right now the slate is pretty clean, I can change almost anything. This is a new beginning for me. I know I will always carry some of the PTSD with me, as well as other mental, emotional, and physical scars.
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Re: The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:07 am

Last night was interesting. I wen to a MENSA meeting where a astronomy professor and ambassador from NASA spoke on the upcoming eclipse. It was quite interesting and refreshing to be in a room with people who are so interested in learning and knowledge. I cannot wait to be able to go down to the eclipse - I am close enough to the path of totality that I can drive down to one of the observatories that is on the center of the path.  As for MENSA, I think I am going to put in a application to get into MENSA, I have the scores for it I just never put in the application. 
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Re: The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Sat Jul 29, 2017 8:59 pm

Regarding the gold coins exercise:

Reflecting on how I spend my time was very helpful. I can see how what I have done is very focused on my studies, however I am not making the best use of my time. 

I normally take study breaks and bring up a video on youtube, or read a chapter of a book. Most often though I will bring up a episode of something on Netflix. Now, this is not necessarily bad as I always choose a 30 to 45 minute long show, and typically work for almost 3 hours before taking a break. Which generally puts me with watching one or two shows in a day. However, this time could be better spent with doing a short workout, or taking a walk - which would be healthier for me and improve my focus and memory. This is something that I am going to have to watch more, and account for. 

Currently I am working on putting together a schedule for daily activities. This will need to be planned into it so that I have a effective structure to adhere to - and not fall back into the same old situation.
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Re: The beginning of the forest

Post by Avarue on Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:28 pm

Right now I am contemplating the place of emotions in life. I am in the middle as to what level the pertain. This is something I really have to think out some more. I once thought that emotions were everything, and then at another point that they were nothing. The truth is in that middle - emotions have their place, but it is not everything, and not nothing. The question lies with how much they impact what areas. 

Another thing I am contemplating are passions, I know two for sure - however there are more to be found. Currently the list stands as such:

         sure thing:
1) Physics (astrophysics or particle physics in particular)
2) Search and Rescue / Disaster relief
 
         possible others (?):
3) Martial Arts 
4) Kayaking / Skiing (kayaking in the spring/summer/fall, and skiing(the snow kind) during the winter/ early spring)
5) Ballet (particularly pointe / demi-pointe)
6) History (particularly warfare/strategy)
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