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Minaethiel's Journal

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Minaethiel's Journal

Post by Talesia on Sun Jan 29, 2017 4:06 pm

Discovery


1. What do I want?

I want to bring my life into sharper focus. Right now I feel a bit vague around the edges; ungrounded. I float through life a bit more than I'd like to. I want to become more grounded, more certain, more present, more myself. I want to know with certainty who I am and what I'm doing, and to become a stronger, more definite version of myself, living up to my maximum potential. 

2. How can I get what I want?


My belief is that the process will be two-fold. One part is to stop wasting my energy on extraneous concerns and things that don't really matter. That way my personal power will build up inside me instead of being frittered away on unimportant things, like worrying about what will happen if I do "x"; etc. The second part is to immerse myself more wholly in the things that I have decided do matter, and to bring my whole being to bear each time I do. No more doing things half-assed because I was doing three things at once.

3. Who am I as an individual?

Chaotic, changing, shifting. I feel like I am constant, but those around me say I change from day to day; thus I conclude that I am constantly moving in the same way that the sea is constantly moving, and yet remains the sea. 

Identity.

1. What do I like about myself?

My body is strong and healthy. My mind is much the same. I like that I can be rather fearless, and the mundane things that scare other people (competitive job interviews, exams, etc)... I just view those as challenges to test where I will land. I like that I am self-reflexive, checking where I am against where I have been, and I like that I know myself. I like that I strive for excellence, and that I live wholly. I am a sensitive person and I like being that way, although sometimes it is hard. I like that I know how to be alone and that I am comfortable when left to my own devices. 

2. What do I dislike about myself?

I have a penchant towards laziness. Note that I am not lazy, but my mind strays toward it. Because I am usually capable of getting an "A" with the same amount of effort other people use to get a "C", I often skate by instead of giving it my all. I too easily apologize for who I am, and for my ability to achieve high results with low effort. I dislike that I worry about the perceptions of others and other meaningless things. I dislike that my focus on self-improvement has left me focusing more on the negative aspects of myself than the positive ones. 

3. What can I change about myself?


I believe that many things about myself can be changed, if I want to change it, or if I am not careful to maintain changes I have already made. My body would change if I did not exercise it and feed it well; my mind would become dull, if I did not sharpen it frequently. I would become cowardly if I stopped pushing myself, and I would become complacent if I stopped checking myself. Likewise, I believe I am capable of learning to be proud of who I am instead of apologetic, and I believe there are reasons I drift toward laziness and that these could be figured out and changed. 

The only thing I am not sure can be changed is my base nature. I am not sure I could ever stop being a sensitive person.

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Re: Minaethiel's Journal

Post by LumosDrakken on Wed Feb 08, 2017 7:36 pm

Great stuff Minaethiel, I look forward to getting to know you better and watching your progress. Good luck in your endeavors.

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Re: Minaethiel's Journal

Post by Durga Rises With Wings on Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:48 pm

You sound like you know yourself well...good insight! Cant wait to see your progress.

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Talesia's Journal

Post by Talesia on Sat May 27, 2017 1:27 pm

In the beginning, was Cain and Abel.


Abel was the younger brother; the shepherd and the goat-herder, the man who kept the flocks and watched over the herds. In this sense, he was comparable to Christ the Shepherd, who watched over the Lamb of God; the purity of the Child-like Self one needs to enter God’s Heaven.


Cain was the older brother; the tiller of soil, the wielder of iron tools, the man whose hands were dark with the fertile dirt of the earth. He led Abel to his death and watered the ground with his blood. In this sense, he was comparable to Christ the Martyr, who led the Lamb of God to his slaughter at the hands of the Romans; who sacrificed his Child-like Self in order to become his destiny.


God set a curse upon Cain, that he would be separated from Him; a restless wanderer. He set a mark upon him, so that no one would be able to kill him. And thus did Cain leave God’s presence.


In the beginning, I was as Abel. I followed the herd that was my family with unquestioning obedience. As a teenager, I found myself torn between my desire for acceptance of the larger herd – the people in school – and my desire to be myself, and express the blossoming moment of my individuality.


It did not make much difference what I desired. Something about me just did not fit. It  was as though I was “marked.”


One day, I led my Child-like Self to the dark forest and determined to become my destiny. I slaughtered the part of myself that dithered mindlessly from herd to herd. I determined to learn to stand alone. I watered the seed of my True Self with blood of this sacrifice, and I determined to become a woman whose hands were dark with fertile earth.


It is a decision we all have the ability to make.

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Re: Minaethiel's Journal

Post by Luci Black on Tue Jun 20, 2017 5:30 pm

Talesia wrote:In the beginning, was Cain and Abel.


Abel was the younger brother; the shepherd and the goat-herder, the man who kept the flocks and watched over the herds. In this sense, he was comparable to Christ the Shepherd, who watched over the Lamb of God; the purity of the Child-like Self one needs to enter God’s Heaven.


Cain was the older brother; the tiller of soil, the wielder of iron tools, the man whose hands were dark with the fertile dirt of the earth. He led Abel to his death and watered the ground with his blood. In this sense, he was comparable to Christ the Martyr, who led the Lamb of God to his slaughter at the hands of the Romans; who sacrificed his Child-like Self in order to become his destiny.


God set a curse upon Cain, that he would be separated from Him; a restless wanderer. He set a mark upon him, so that no one would be able to kill him. And thus did Cain leave God’s presence.


In the beginning, I was as Abel. I followed the herd that was my family with unquestioning obedience. As a teenager, I found myself torn between my desire for acceptance of the larger herd – the people in school – and my desire to be myself, and express the blossoming moment of my individuality.


It did not make much difference what I desired. Something about me just did not fit. It  was as though I was “marked.”


One day, I led my Child-like Self to the dark forest and determined to become my destiny. I slaughtered the part of myself that dithered mindlessly from herd to herd. I determined to learn to stand alone. I watered the seed of my True Self with blood of this sacrifice, and I determined to become a woman whose hands were dark with fertile earth.


It is a decision we all have the ability to make.
Brilliant concept!  Joy

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It gives me an edge over them.
However, if they should awaken and rip off the blindfold,
I carry a lantern."


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